Toxic Relationships

Lately I noticed a few things from and with people around me. Mostly it happens with the ladies.
One may find oneself with a friend who only talks about herself, "I got a new hairdo", I got this Prada pair for close to nothing", " I feel so fat" , "I did this lately" , "Oh no, Lemme tell you this" , " Oh my gosh I got my car polished blah blah" . Okay if we are so comfortable around each other and these kind of statements are made, half or for some time, that is cool. But if you do the listening 95% of the time you may be bending too much, or your friend is just super stuck up and this is no healthy for a relationship. I find it annoying, how about you?

I don't know why we keep this kind of people around us, sometimes after being around your friend you have to put your head in the fridge, oh no!or just throw yourself onto  bed with a tub of ice cream. Friends are the people we choose to have around, one  better choose wise and one should know that putting up with this kind of inconsideration from other people is a bad impact on one's self esteem, and self esteem is like a muscle, it is only good if it is active. One has a high self esteem when one can disengage from unhealthy associations and go for only gold, putting up with what does not work for you is like you are saying " I doubt I deserve any better", "no one will want to hang out with me, at least she does" and you will feel horrible- period!

There are all sorts of bad associations and signs of them, I got one sentence for all of our associations " If it's not building you up, It's breaking you down"

Check these out:
You feel drained.  A toxic friendship is emotionally draining because the relationship is essentially unequal: the person takes from you, but never gives back. They may be the unabashedly self-absorbed type who talks endlessly about how great their life is but never wastes two words to inquire about yours. Or, they might be the Debbie Downer sort of emotional vampire who you can count on to suck the fun out of every good time with their perpetual “woe is me” act.

They’re reliably unreliable. Toxic friends seem to make a habit of saying one thing and doing another. Whether they out-and-out lie or they just don’t respect commitments, the frenemy is chronically two-faced and flakey.

They undermine your other relationships. Since they’re scared to death that you’ll eventually dump them and stop giving them the one-sided attention they so desperately crave, a toxic friend will usually try to undermine your other relationship.

   Do you feel emotionally drained when you are with her?
  Do you come away from her feeling depressed?
  When you talk, does it feel like she isn't listening or just doesn't get it?
  Do you dread her phone calls?
  Do you hate when you see her screen name online when you look at your buddy list?
  Are her emails too long to read?
  Does she always choose to spend her time with men, over you, given the opportunity?

The people may have lovely qualities also, and one wouldn't wanna lose out on that. So it might be good to confront your friends about how you feel and if it does not work, I got a better way: RUN AWAY, DON'T WALK REALLY, RUN! The longer you linger the harder it is to break away. And if one keeps one person like this in one's life it is gonna be easy to let someone else do it also, then one ends up with a bunch of toxic friends, you may end up with a loser of a boyfriend too, because you are setting yourself up as a walkover.

Reclaim your power and be all for yourself,
if you don't support your own  party,
 how do you expect us to?

Sometimes you have to stick it out.

I have been very mean and uncaring to myself. After a few bad choices in my life and taking wrong turns I am back to my reality, I gotta face it head on. I  decided this  after a bad cold put me down to bed  and a bad medication kept me awake throughout the demise of a viral infection. I blamed God, my religion, my friends, and that guy also, every possible thing  that seemed to be in the way of my hedonistic pleasure. I guess if I keep going like this I am just gonna spiral into the same hole of self-pity.

Well now I better focus on completing all the projects I have launched  and getting more involved with my life, I have been a spectator long enough. I feel like crying, this life of moping and doing nothing but blaming circumstances has become my comfort zone, I think I need a support group or buddy to keep me focused. I think I should have put this in my journal, but hey, I am real and my life is made of valleys and hills, come face it with me.

"sometimes you gotta sit and face the terrible emptiness within that surfaces when you are not focused  on someone else. Sometimes the emptiness will be so deep, you will feel the wind blowing through the place  where  your heart should  be. Allow yourself to feel it, in all its intensity or else you may look for another way to distract yourself" a bit  modified from Robin Norwood., Women who love too much.

The power of prayer and solitude

Nothing can surpass the power of meditation, prayer and pondering. Don't get me wrong, asking for things in prayer is not gonna bring you peace. It will just shift your focus if you do it continuously.

That time you spend in solitude focusing on a higher being, affirming your inner power brings peace that surpasses human understanding. You walk away with revived energy, acceptance and a sense of focused energy. I urge you to take some time out and embrace the peace that you already have.

The people in our lives.

We all have someone we know.
Someone we identify with on many things.
Someone we barely get along with.
Someone full of all sorts of surprises.
 We live in communities, we are around and surrounded by others.
Sometimes we wish to have new people in our lives, sometimes we do change our social circles for good or for bad. Sometimes we just extend them, or cut them down.

No matter who you have around you, people come and go in our lives, leaving scars or nothing.
Some people come into our lives in strange ways and leave in funny ways, others come because we want them, while others come for what is seemingly no reason, you  may wish you never met them, wish to keep them for long, but they are there for a reason. Not because you need them there but maybe because they need you in their lives. You are only as great as the hearts you touch, the lives you nurture, the memories you leave in the hearts of those whom you love or those who love you.

Sometimes you are good to others and they may never appreciate you, but the main thing we all need is to be recommendable among our peers and families. That is all we need, all other things come afterwards.

Be the person you want to be around. Forgive for your own good and let any bad feeling for your fellows go.

Distance and a friend

What a day! Friend got a good job,leaving sooner than I can imagine to start a completely new life, I miss him already! I am  very proud of him, but I cannot shake the feeling of loss. With time I will accept the reality, its a good thing he is moving out to his independence,to unleash his potential and explore new horizons. He will always be my friend, close to my heart and we can always be in touch.

The tender friendships one gives up, on parting, leave their bite on the heart, but also a curious feeling of a treasure somewhere buried.  ~Antoine de Saint-Exupéry, Southern Mail, 1929, translated from French by Curtis Cate

Slamat Yush

A true friend unbosoms freely, advises justly, assists readily, adventures boldly, takes all patiently, defends courageously, and continues a friend unchangeably.  ~William Pennhis 

The above quote sums up our friendship. It was short, we have good memories, going out for a Krusher, him chasing me out of his room, me slapping him, him running after me, telling him he is the worst, my knocking on his door just to see him come out with that angry face, his defending me from some mean people, walking with me to get supper, sharing fish from Durban, loving my spaghetti masala, crying on my shoulder, sharing success, oh I feel so sad.

A good friend is a treasure, hold on to those, pray for them and wish them well at all times.

This is my last gift to both my friend and myself.

Response to Pain

When someone hurts you, you wanna cry? No,  don't just cry , do it with grace , for yourself not for the person that hurt you. Get a notepad and write all the things causing you pain, take it all out, all of it! You may wanna write the person a letter, do it! When you are done clip it to your diary. People who ravish at your pain are completely abnormal, you may wanna read about psychopaths for your protection. I will be putting up some links shortly, being forewarned is being forearmed!

Till next time....with lots of warm feelings....


Women do run the world you know...I run mine :)

The Grace Of Forgiveness

Forgiveness.

As a human being, when one gets hurts it is inevitable to want to fight back, when one is betrayed one thinks about filing a breach of contract case, when someone hurts us intentionally we naturally want to banish them out of our lives, and that is sensible.

We spend hours and lots of money fighting back our enemies, sometimes to even spite them. We spend a lot of time plotting revenge. When we think about how much we are hurt ,  we revisit the wound they have left on us, every time you go to avenge someone you open that wound, you feel the exact pain you felt when the enemy inflicted it. We tend to think that the enemy is happier, and gloating over us. It is not always true, of course some people are psychopaths and they ravish our pain, but till a psychopath is an abnormal person and he/she cannot change whatever you do.

We may as well spend that time on ourselves. Say a little prayer for them and indulge in your simplest pleasures, close the wound and allow it to heal.

Walking away may help. That may help you forget about the pain as you focus on other things. Do some meditation, if you cannot walk away try focusing on something positive about them and focus on yourself.

Look after yourselves***

R