Sometimes you have to stick it out.

I have been very mean and uncaring to myself. After a few bad choices in my life and taking wrong turns I am back to my reality, I gotta face it head on. I  decided this  after a bad cold put me down to bed  and a bad medication kept me awake throughout the demise of a viral infection. I blamed God, my religion, my friends, and that guy also, every possible thing  that seemed to be in the way of my hedonistic pleasure. I guess if I keep going like this I am just gonna spiral into the same hole of self-pity.

Well now I better focus on completing all the projects I have launched  and getting more involved with my life, I have been a spectator long enough. I feel like crying, this life of moping and doing nothing but blaming circumstances has become my comfort zone, I think I need a support group or buddy to keep me focused. I think I should have put this in my journal, but hey, I am real and my life is made of valleys and hills, come face it with me.

"sometimes you gotta sit and face the terrible emptiness within that surfaces when you are not focused  on someone else. Sometimes the emptiness will be so deep, you will feel the wind blowing through the place  where  your heart should  be. Allow yourself to feel it, in all its intensity or else you may look for another way to distract yourself" a bit  modified from Robin Norwood., Women who love too much.